Chaos

Grey Gold

 A theme often touched upon in this blog is learning to accept giving ourselves some slack in our lives. When there are so many details in your world that seem to need tending, a loss of enjoyment of your life can follow.

So, while allowing the little things slide so as indulge ourselves in the bigger and better aspects of our lives is tricky, learning to deal with the onslaught of chaos is an entirely different situation. And, much more difficult to tame.

Chaos can be induced by something as minor as a head cold, or as major as losing a job. The hassle of rearranging a week of activities and obligations can be overwhelming; fortunately, the possible off-putting of events for a week can help us to avoid having to do too much maneuvering immediately. Chaos can be ignored sometimes and, often, we are better to just do so.

But, when it is something as encompassing as loss of a job, a career, an income, the chaos that ensues can be overwhelming. A reevaluation of an entire lifestyle doesn’t come simply, nor is it something that can be pushed away in the hope that delay will make the chaos disappear.

The idea of just offering it up to the Universe begs the issue of bringing our lives back into a livable state. The tricky part of chaos descending is that it is like a violent, churning ocean storm in which you are caught without a usable vessel: you are not only treading water to stay afloat, but know that you need to be swimming toward shore before the waves overtake you. The shore is order, land under our feet the necessary control. The Universe may wash you onto the sand, but without your contribution of effort, the odds decrease significantly.

There are times when it seems like an entire front of chaos blows across your shoreline, tossing a new storm over your haven constantly, ripping the plywood you’ve just affixed for safety, off, in a single puff.

Other Side of the Door

Yep.

Been that way for a while now. Still have no system to bring chaos into line; still dealing with each crisis, unexpected expense, loss, illness, etc., at a time. Sometimes it’s relatively clear what needs to be done to move out of the storm. Other times, there is no obvious solution; or worse, any solution that you can implement as others hold the power, if you will.

Maybe it is as straightforward as letting the Universe decide for you. Maybe it is forgiving yourself for not having the ability to solve a situation brought about by chaos. Maybe it just is what it is and it’s okay to accept that. Maybe it is taking a lot of deep breaths, closing your eyes, opening them again and refocusing your energies.

It seems to most likely be the last one. And, that’s okay if that's what it has to be.

Expanse at Sunset
 

 

IF Highlight(s) In 2012!

Highlight(s) for IF
6x6 Permanent Marker on Smooth Bristol
©2012BEDeuel

Recently, I was feeling like I was in a deep funk. Life's been ridiculously chaotic and full of petty annoyances from petty people. It was definitely getting to me.

While I'm not usually a cosmetic person, the thought of dying my hair again was appealing. Maybe it was just that I needed a different view when I looked in the mirror. My face showed every stress very clearly. I thought maybe a little color framing it would give it the perk up that my emotions couldn't.

And, honestly, I'm glad I've done it.

Has it changed the existence of the problems in my world? No. Does it really take years away from my appearance? No. Has it made the world a nicer place? No, not at all.

But I think I look brighter (physically, that is!) and I do feel lighter. Maybe even a little bit sparkly!

So, here's to a little thing that's made the start of the 2012 a little nicer for me.

Hopefully, you're doing something nice for yourself to start the new year and continue to do it throughout the year!

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I was going through a very old portfolio and came across a couple of pieces that I just love.

The Bette Davis portrait I did, as I remember, in my senior year of high school, back, well, a few decades ago. It's done in a pointillism style with ink. You can actually see where it was damaged at one time across the upper lip. But, I just couldn't part with it.

The other piece was a "doodle" of sorts. About 3 years out of high school, I had the luxury of having a ton of time to experiment with all sorts of artwork styles and designs. This picture of the Enchanted Crone is done in ballpoint pen, both black and blue. It was something that had flowed very easily and, again, I was thrilled with the results.

These pictures are reminders that every pursuit will have successful moments.

But that the time has to be invested in those pursuits to achieve those successes.

Like all new years past, I'm sure you've made your resolutions, which as we all know, are easy to keep for the first couple of weeks. It's the later weeks when it gets tough to keep your promises to yourself.

Don't overwhelm yourself with trying to succeed unendingly. Work at it patiently and success will happen, maybe in a small way to start, but all the same!

Enjoy everything you choose to undertake in 2012! This month, next month, and every month that follows!

A Long Week in a Short Summer

A common theme seems to be occupying my thoughts lately: Things we cannot control in our worlds and the anxiety it can cause.

The predominant problem in that arena is the havoc that Irene is creating along the east coast. I have friends who have been evacuated and are in a worrisome state over their homes and possessions, things that represent their lives. They're understandably concerned about the damage that will have to be dealt with once the storm has passed.

No matter how often anyone can say to them that there is no point  in fretting about possible problems that may or may not come to be, they will be fretting. There's no turning it off no matter how hard they try.

After these monumental events, the small worries pale dramatically. The hassles of vacation that diminish the fun of vacations. The frustrations of too much rain and too much heat in too short a time that stunts the growth of the gardens. The difficulties of finding the time to do the things that bring pleasure to your life.

These are minor problems that really are not worth the worry we put into them.

Wish that were true of the worries the people living through this storm have.

But, while we can't do a thing about the effects that Irene will have on our material world, we can pray for the safety of those enduring it.

And, we do.

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Just some reminders that no matter how badly things seem to be, there is still beauty in the simplest things:

 

 

Enjoy everything!

Helping Hands and Hearts

Last week, I blogged about the first art show I’ve entered as a working adult. The show opened on Friday. I wish I could say, “Wow! It was everything I’d hoped it’d be!”. It wasn’t at all.

Enjoying a moment...

The display of the artwork was done very nicely, I will say. I suppose I was expecting some greeters who would introduce some of the artists and viewers to the art and to each other. But, being a volunteer organization the manpower may not have been available (though I was available that day…). The real heartbreaker was personal, though. My name and pieces were completely left out of the program. And, from what we could determine, it was only me. Plus my middle initial changed to "A" from "E". As I was upset, I missed out on what I’d be anticipating to be the best part of the whole experience: connecting with other art lovers. It had been a wonderful week in that regard up till then.

Not surprisingly, I heard such encouragement from our fellow bloggers and blogging artisans. That was the start. Friends and family, always there, always positive. 

Picnic In the Park 2011
Photo by Howard Owens

 I’d received an invitation to show at Batavia’s Picnic in the Park on July 4^th. I had passed simply because I am still building a portfolio and inventory off of those items. I wouldn’t have enough to show yet. But I went to see what it was about to see if it’s something I want to do next year. (And, yes, I do. Hopefully I’ll get another invitation!)

While I was there I ran into another artist I’d met in a completely different setting about a year ago, Sharon Jenke Long, who does amazing portrait work. Chatting with her for a bit, she encouraged me to “just keep drawing” and it’ll happen.

At another booth, I met an artist who’s work I’d never seen, nor had I seen anything like it, Bridgette Paddock of http://www.briduvielsworld.com/ gave me information on merchandising and printing I doubt I ever would’ve found on my own. It was a wonderful experience and a wonderful day.

An Artist at Work: Sharon at Picnic In the Park
Photo by Howard Owens

After Friday's art show reception, we wandered out to the Geneseo Rotary Summer Festival and came across more artisans. The connections were easy, the help flowing. It brought my mood around, made the day bright again.

Oddly, for a field with so many potential competitors, most artists are remarkably helpful and appreciative of each others endeavors.

And this is what needs to be held close. Not the administrative glitches, not the oversights. The people sharing themselves with others. Maybe the disappointment gave me a very important reminder of that priority.



Geneseo Rotary Summer Festival 2011 Craft Booths
Photo by Dick Gallivan

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Speaking of sharing:


This past autumn at my friend Stephanie’s annual wine party, I found that her brother-in-law, Rick, has a very talented artist for a sister. Her name is Debbie Bender, and she is an incredibly talented portrait artist. She also does landscapes and other things that strike your fancy.


Debbie’s attention to both detail and spirit brings it all to life. Check out her website at 
http://www.dldrawings.com/ and enjoy! Drop her a line, too, if you like her work as much as I do!
 　

A Face You Can't Resist
©Debbie Bender

 　

An Accomplishment

This Friday, July 8th, the Genesee Valley Council on the Arts is opening it's Member Exhibit. And, it's my first "show" since college, 30-odd years ago.

Obviously being a member's exhibit, it's not juried. But, it's a first step. For me, it was the accomplishment of starting the works, learning about framing (& both pieces do look so much better framed), and just following through.

I've always been held back by an unfortunate case of anxiety. The fear of failure has stopped me in my tracks more times than I could ever recall.

I used to constantly get choked up about whether anyone would like what I did or if it was good enough. Would people just laugh at me behind my back? Or, worse, to my face? Stage fright and anxiety attacks were not a rare occurance.


Ice Fog
5x7 Water Soluble Paint on Canvas
©BEDeuel 2011

 A good part of my life has been spent almost paralyzed by this condition. And, that includes pursuing the idea of showing my work. A lot of times, it even prevented me from finishing an artpiece. What if I didn't know how to finish it? Wouldn't it just be easier to stop and say that I ran out of time to finish it?

Now, I won't lie: I'm still concerned about what people think. I have to be concerned if I'm to function in the real world. I have to perform in my job and work with clients as well as other workers. But, I've been doing the job so long that it's second nature that comes so easily, I don't have the need to overthink it and panic. Some details and procedures may still trip me up, but those setbacks pass quickly.

The opportunity to show a couple of pieces along with a variety of other artists is wonderful. I get to see the differences in both the works and the reactions that people may have to the works. I am prepared that my pieces may not generate any interest. But, it's the first step to seeing where I may need to aim the next time with my work.

I'll try to do a few more non-juried presentations, but, the goal is to try to be accepted into a juried exhibition. The goal is to overcome the fear of rejection and failure.

I have to say "thank you" to all of you who have been so encouraging and supportive over these last several months. I'm not sure I would've screwed up the needed courage to do this otherwise.


Silhouette in Field
6x8 Acrylic Paint on Canvas Panel
©BEDeuel 2010

I'm so excited to be starting on the path of this newest journey!

Enjoy your holiday weekend and any journeys you decide to take now or in the future!

Hardy Determination

It's the fourth of May and it was 46 degrees and raining. There is a certain sogginess of spirit seeping through our collective soul. We've seen, perhaps, a day and a half of sunshine in weeks. We're drenched, physically and emotionally.

Unlike plants, our growth and expression, though, is not dependent on factors such as sunshine and warmth. If that were so, our minds and talents would lay dormant a great deal of the time. Yet, we are drowning in desire for a true spring to save us, while the plants have pushed forward in spite of the adversity presented by the weather.



Hya Cynth!



The Neighbors Say "Hy!", too

Stretching Before Our Tulips Pucker to
Kiss the Sky...

Royal Carpet Laid Out for Spring's Arrival

Myrtle's creeping up to visit you



Peonies Poking Purple Past the Pope's Peons



Coral's Bells Are Ringing!

And the Only Basket of Gold We've Found So Far...
But We Always Keep Searching!

Dance of the Daffodils

Bowing with Grace Into the Wind

Triplets



Grounded Grapes





Spring Peeping Over the Horizon



A Sneak Peek Up Close

Enough said.

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To those who've watched their worlds and more blow away, please hold onto the hope for tomorrow.

Keep searching for the gold.